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NEED MORE OPTIONS? SHIFT YOUR PERSPECTIVE

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In modern life we prize having multiple options and choices, but one of the greatest limitations to achieving these are our own thoughts and perceptions. Therefore, an ability to challenge and shift our own perspectives, and therefore our perceptions, is a huge asset – especially if we occupy a leadership role.

“We don’t see things as they are, we see them as we are.”

Anais Nin, Author 1903-1977

 OUR PERCEPTIONS HELP US TO SURVIVE

We continually ask questions of our environment, our safety and of ourselves, as they are essential in making the string of judgements and moulding the beliefs required to function and survive effectively. This is what kept us alive in the wild, and it is what we have to do constantly in order to make daily and life decisions. In this subliminal minute by minute flow of ‘what do I do next?’ the decisions we take and the choices we make are conditioned by the questions we pose.

 

WHEN PERCEPTIONS CAN BE DETRIMENTAL

The nature of the questions we ask of our lives or our world will condition the answers we receive. These answers, in turn, can reinforce beliefs we already hold. But what if a particular belief is negative and erroneous, for example ‘I can’t’, ‘I’m useless’, ‘I’m good for nothing’, ‘no one likes me’.  What if our perspectives and perceptions lead us to judgements and beliefs that can be to the detriment of ourselves or of those around us?

 

PERSPECTIVE CAN CHALLENGE PERCEPTION

If our thinking takes us up a blind alley, particularly at work, a useful and sometimes challenging exercise, is to abandon our line of enquiry and follow instead a thread someone else puts forward – usually a friend or a colleague. This may feel uncomfortable simply because we are removed from our normal channels of thought. We may be compelled to move in a direction that would not be our automatic choice given our own upbringing and conditioning – that direction may even be counterintuitive.

 

THE BENEFIT OF THE ALTERNATIVE ROUTE

The benefit is that we are really challenging our own thinking. In fact, the more uncomfortable this process becomes the greater the rewards can be. This is particularly true when meeting an obstacle in a project at work or in our lives in general. Simply put, if a chosen line of thought proves stubborn then take a run at it from a different direction to that you would intuitively select. This can serve a purpose if only to confirm that we were on the right line already: discounting an alternative route – properly explored – can really shake up progress.

 

If we care to look, the perspective of questions others may pose of us can often be far more illuminating in areas we may not even have thought to explore.  There is always a way out of a maze: approaching a problem or challenge from an altered perspective creates options and choices and can get a stalled situation on the move once again. While true and lasting change may not come easily, the journey can be exhilarating and liberating once the shackles of our own modes and conventions have been tested robustly.

 

Alan Keyse is a fully qualified Business and Life Coach who now applies his 30 years of experience as a sales executive to coaching Emotional Intelligence to business leaders, executives, managers and their staff. Alan specialises in stress reduction; conflict avoidance; & employee engagement. 

THE NEED TO PURSUE YOUR OWN DEFINITION OF SUCCESS

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Most entrepreneurs will be all too aware of the pressures that go hand in glove with being self-employed. The pressure not only to succeed but also to be seen to be successful, is inherent within the very fabric of our society. 

 

WHEN SUCCESS CAN FAIL

We are taught to want to ‘succeed’ from a very early age, and once past infancy the forces at work, driving us forward: our parents; our teachers; and our friends, are irresistible. We become conditioned with the need to compete and in a competitive society this is a useful driver to have. However, if we become conditioned to value our worth by what we believe the world thinks of our success, our thought process and behaviour can create huge dissonance with our core values.

 

TIME TO REFLECT

Most of us at some time in our lives have uttered the plea ‘stop the ride, I wanna get off!’ but seldom do we question that urge. What many of us do not appreciate is that we do not need to ask permission of a third party to stop the ride, in fact all the controls we require are in our hands. This does not mean have to mean walking away from existing life styles, nor for abdicating responsibilities. Rather, it is a call for regular pauses, short periods of reflection to re-evaluate our understanding of our lives, our aspirations and our emotions.

 

OWNING SUCCESS


How often do we question how we personally measure success & why? Our social and cultural conditioning measures success by whether or not we surpass those around us. We spend our time, therefore, making comparisons with our peers and competing on that basis. We often fail to explore what success really means to us. As a result we spend our time chasing goals reactively preset, and which may have absolutely nothing to do with our innermost desires and core values. Only by matching our lives to those desires and values can we attain our own true success and fulfilment.

IF WE DO NOT TAKE PERSONAL OWNERSHIP OF OUR GOALS BUT INSTEAD ABSORB THOSE HANDED TO US – ULTIMATELY, THEY WILL NEVER STICK!

It is for all of us to challenge our own thinking and, possibly for the first time, take a serious look at what makes us tick as opposed to what convention dictates it should be. If we take the time to take a look, we may be pleasantly surprised.

 

. Alan specialises in helping executives, entrepreneurs & their staff to manage stress levels, conflict resolution, self confidence & potential burnout! In doing so he employs mindfulness, emotional intelligence, life coaching/CBT, & more than 3 decades of experience as an international sales executive.

 

 

FEAR OF FAILURE: The Claustrophobia of Creativity

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‘Our doubts are traitors, and make us lose the good we oft might win, by fearing to attempt’

WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE

 

Fear of failure is, more often than not, the fear of not measuring up to others in our peer group. It can also be a fear of falling short of what we believe to be other people’s expectations of us. Such anxiety does not originate from within us but is acquired over years of social conditioning and learnt behaviour. The good news is that it can be identified, observed, & left far behind us.

 

SEEKING APPROVAL

Our desire for external appreciation, approval and esteem is perfectly natural for us. We are after all a social animal and so need to find cooperation within a very complex social structure. This desire, however, can compel us to abandon any consideration of ourselves in favour of a futile search for external affirmations of our worth. The desire to please others in order to feel of value becomes a need that can never be fulfilled –  and can distract us from focusing on our own potential and fulfilment.

 

OTHER PEOPLE’S EXPECTATIONS

If we are trying to live up to the expectation of others this is often because we imagine what they want, what they are thinking. In such cases we are second guessing what they are thinking and are invariably wrong. The fact is, we have no idea what other people are thinking.

 

“FAILURE IS NOT AN OPTION”

How often do we hear this brand of 1980s movie mantra rattled out as the worse kind of tough love / hard motivation in the workplace? Well, we’re human beings which means we are going to fail – so we’d better get over it. What really sets us apart is our ability to learn from mistakes/weakness/failure, whatever we want to call it. Every advance of the human race has been hard won through trial & error. From Shakespeare to Michael Jordan the ethos remains the same: the worse thing we can do is not even try.

 

MINDFULNESS

Through regular mindfulness practice we can make positivity of outlook, clarity of intention, & compassion, our moment by moment priorities. As a result, the external approval we once sought so desperately fades in importance and we no longer have that overwhelming need to satisfy others. Instead we find a profound sense of our inherent worth & our core values. With this comes an underlying strength & calm which gives out very positive energy to everyone we come into contact with.

Whatever we seek to achieve, we should allow ourselves the luxury of the compassion, the patience, and the common humanity we so easily afford to, for example, our close friends. We see our friends strive and fail and yet we are there supporting them all the way. We are no less entitled to the same understanding. Once we have thrown off the shackles of fear ‘lest we fail’, we will meet challenges, be they in business or at home, with an enthusiasm that views errors and failure as merely signposts on the way to greater successes and achievement.

Alan Keyse is a fully qualified Business and Life Coach who now applies his 30 years of experience as a sales executive to coaching Emotional Intelligence to business leaders, executives, managers and their staff. Alan specialises in stress reduction; conflict avoidance; & employee engagement. 

 

 

dictionary page - weakness

CAN ACCEPTING A WEAKNESS BE BENEFICIAL?

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CAN ACCEPTING A WEAKNESS BE BENEFICIAL?

 

weakness

noun
1.
the state or condition of being weak.
synonyms: frailty, feebleness, enfeeblement, puniness, fragility, delicateness,
delicacy,

2.
a disadvantage or fault.
Synonyms: Fault, flaw, defect, deficiency, weak point/spot, failing, foible,
Shortcoming, imperfection, blemish, chink in one’s armour

THE POPULAR VIEW
When such definitions and synonyms are combined with a western puritan work ethic, there is little wonder why our culture and society views weakness – and in particular admitting we have any – with such negativity. In many areas of our lives weakness it is seen as, quite simply, unacceptable. No where is this more pronounced than in the world of business where accepting weakness is often regarded as kryptonite. Ours is a ‘can do’ society where individuals ‘in control’, or those who make things happen, especially in the teeth of a storm, are greatly admired.
Real life strategies, especially at work, need more than gung-ho attitudes to stay the course

THE DAMAGE WITHIN
A problem we face is that we pften fear our weaknesses and seek to keep them hidden – sometimes even from ourselves. Such negativity thrives in the dark corners of our consciousness and if left to its own devices it festers and grows. Many believe that if they admit to a weakness they will be judged and criticised by their peers (as if those same peers do not possess weaknesses themselves). The internal corrosion of fear and self-judgment, and the stress and anxiety it creates, is not only damaging to our health, but is also completely unnecessary.

ACCEPTING WEAKNESS
The acceptance of weakness has to be clearly defined. Surely we all accept the fact that we are not going to be good at everything. Our abilities, our thoughts and actions, all have their ups and downs. Weak points are inevitable, but accepting that fact does not mean we are giving in to, or indulging, a flaw – it is a simple matter of reality and the sooner we grasp that fact the sooner we can get on and do something about it.

If we ignore where we’re vulnerable, rest assured our competitors will not

In businesses one so often hears military and sporting metaphors being used, but many ignore an attitude to weakness prevalent in elite sport and the military: they ignore it at their peril. They may wish to conceal any weaknesses from a tactical point of view, but behind the scenes their attitude to weakness is realistic, pragmatic with a very practical and up-beat outlook.

THE BENEFITS OF ACCEPTING WEAKNESS
Once accepted, a weakness can be more easily quantified, understood and then work can begin to do something about it – a small piece at a time if necessary
There is no longer a hidden fear linked to our most vulnerable points as we begin to rise to the challenge of addressing them
When weaknesses comes to light, be grateful. Knowing they are there is half the battle because whether we like it or not, they’re there
Being more intimately acquainted with the topography of our abilities and character makes us better equipped to face life on our terms. After all, if we know where the ditches are we can avoid driving into them
Enormous motivation and forward momentum comes from tackling a weakness as opposed to ignoring it
Whether weaknesses are neutralised, contained, or even removed altogether, we can then concentrate on the game winner: playing to our strengths.
If we do not manage our weaknesses, we can be certain that,
sooner or later, they WILL manage us.
We hone our strengths and seek to perfect them as they are our vanguard in life. But improving a weakness, even by a few points can raise our whole performance right across the board.

HOW TO MAKE A HEALTHIER LIFESTYLE ‘STICK’

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Our desire to be a different body shape to that we already possess is one of the obsessions of our age and so many of us are subject to this at some time or other.

THERE’S NO SECRET

We all know what it takes to be in better shape and unless we are impeded by a medical condition, we know that it could not be simpler: eat better and be more active. Anyone who has problems with yo-yo dieting and ‘workout phobia’, however, knows that it is clearly not that simple. If it were we would all be doing it instead of complaining about it. We want to improve our fitness, we know how to go about it and yet so many of us struggle – clearly there must be another dynamic involved.

 

EXAMINING MOTIVATION

The first place to look if we are struggling is to examine our motivation for wanting to diet/workout. If we are having difficulty we are most likely not doing it for the right reasons – we are not doing it for our reasons.  We may be pressured into trying to make change by, for example:

  • Our perception of what other people think of us
  • How we believe we ‘should’ look
  • Trying to live up to the body image the media thrusts before us (the main aim being to shame us into buying whatever they happen to be selling).

 

If we work at developing higher levels of personal awareness, we are able to bring into sharper focus our own emotions and motivations. This in turn will provide the lasting shift in thinking and therefore habits, that will make yoyo diets and wasted gym memberships a thing of the past.  In short, a well thought through healthy lifestyle program will focus on:

 

1. Helping to establish realistic goals that reflect innermost desires.

2. A step-by-step plan to achieve those goals.

3. Clearing the mind through meditation so thoughts become less cluttered, allowing distractions to be observed, understood and more readily handled.

4. The removal of guilt, shame, and self-judgement for how we think we look at the moment – and the low self esteem issues that come with them.

5. A positive attitude to a change in lifestyle and the acceptance of setbacks as a basis for continued forward momentum and not a reason for backsliding.

6. Accepting full ownership of the journey and ultimately of the success it will bring.

 

The success, or not, of a health & wellness programme has a great deal to do with our social conditioning and mental attitudes. If we are carrying burdens of, for example, unrealistic expectations, guilt, and shame – that is the weight loss we need to tackle just as much as unwanted waistlines. By focusing on the inner challenges we face, as an integral part of healthy lifestyle goals, we can achieve a real and lasting change – the way we want it!

Alan Keyse is a fully qualified Business and Life Coach who now applies his 30 years of experience as a sales executive to coaching Emotional Intelligence to business leaders, executives, managers and their staff. Alan specialises in stress reduction; conflict avoidance; & employee engagement.